[Buddy]

New poster to this forum, I have spent the Christmas break scouring the internet for some sort of answers to what is happening with my dad. After receiving a phone call from his sister in Vancouver on December 21 who expressed concerns about his mental health I drove over to his house for a visit. Quite happy to see me we chatted about his day and if he had been talking to anyone on the telephone today, noticed he checked his call display for the answer, told me he had spoke with my aunt. It was at this point I asked him about something he had told her, apparently "sales" for the Christmas season had been very good this year? Dad is a 74 years old, healthy (so I thought), retired for 10 years and widowed for 9 years. After asking him about "work" he also told me he was out of town last week visiting some customers? Spent the next few hours with him and got his doctors name and number from one of his pill bottles. Made sure everything was safe, left for home for the night and called his dr. first thing the next morning to get him in a.s.a.p.

In the exam room the doctor informed me that dad had been into see him on Dec. 2 for a yearly physical and everything was fine. After speaking with dad and asking him about working he ordered a complete list of blood work and off we went to the clinic. Received a call from the dr. on the morning of the 24th to let me know everything was very good as far as test results were concerned and that he has scheduled a CT for Jan 4th. Again after spending countless hours reading for the last few days I understand the processes and tests that will be involved to arrived at a diagnosis.

Since the 24th I have had him staying at my home and driving him back daily to his home to feed his cat and check on the house. Christmas day was pretty much non existent as he did not even know what day it was but was so concerned about a turkey I got to hear about 46 times.His confusion seems to be getting worse by the day, unaware of the date, asking about people who are dead, calling pets by different names, etc. Have I made the confusion worse by bringing him home with me? I have also taken his car keys away which was a tough thing to do but there is no way he should be driving.

After speaking with two of his friends and one neighbour he seemed to be just fine up until the last weekend in November when he had stayed at my house while I was away on business (lol) in Las Vegas. This was a regular event for him to care for my two large dogs and house when I travelled for work as I am truly a confirmed bachelor and he enjoyed all the toys (giant TV's, remote everything, etc.) I have at my place. Upon my return I noticed a couple of odd things around my place but all seemed to be okay. Called him the next morning and he proceeded to tell me about the whole weekend and what he did at my house. Now he can't even remember what happened a minute ago.

The progression seems to be extremely rapid, or has he been on autopilot for a while now. He seems to have been keeping some very detailed notes on daily activities and have his calendar by his side for reference. As far as progression goes it does seem too fast for what I have been reading or could he have been functioning (driving, shopping, living, etc.) as a matter of habit? I have to return to work on Tuesday, do I leave him at my house or take him home for the day?

Any advice would be appreciated.

[stijntje]

Your immediate concern is Dad's safety come Tuesday when you go back to work. Quick answer: based on what you tell us, Dad should not be left alone - however you work that one out.

Dad clearly has enough confusion to justify your concern and it's good that you have the medical process in place and that Dad won't be driving.

There will come all the legal bits as they come.

Again, the immediate concern is Dad's safety. Whether Dad goes to his own home or stays in yours, if he is alone, he is at risk. Can he wander off? My Mom did that a couple of years ago, and was found at the subway, not dressed for the weather, no purse or ID. The police found my work number through the Alzheimer's Registry (I registered Mom as soon as she was diagnosed) and Mom has not been left alone since. It ended well the first time, but no guarantees for any next times.

Doesn't give you much time to make arrangements, but you will need to have supports in place for Dad.

Is he registered with the "safely home" program, in case he does wander away and forget his way home?

There is a lot more information that you need, but safety is the first concern.

[linda3]

It's possible that your Dad's doctor is suspecting a stroke. That might explain the sudden onset of memory problems, which is not typical of Alzheimers. There are other possibilities (some fixable) , so it is good that you've got him to the doctor. If it is a stroke or vascular dementia, sometimes they stabilize or even improve for a while. However someone needs to at least check on him daily in the interim. You might be able to hire someone with care aide or nursing training from an agency to come and "clean his house" and report to you. I doubt if you can get any rapid response from a government home care agency. Maybe there are some friends or family that can be pressed into service for a while until some form of assisted living arrangements can be arranged, whether with you or not.
Good luck, you are on the right track.

[Buddy]

Thank you stijntje and linda3 for your timely responses. The care issue for tomorrow has been handled for the short term, have a friend that is going to drop by to spend some time with him. I don't know how he will react to a stranger but I had to do something. In my job (sales) I have the ability to drop by intermittently throughout the day as well. I did take him home today again so he could have a bath and feed the cat. Took the opportunity to clean out his fridge of any perishables and check the pantry. One thing I did notice is he was a heck of a shopper, no lemons like the commercial but a warehouse full of kitty litter...lol

Today he seemed to be regressing a little further, going back in years as far as people go (mostly deceased). For one brief moment he did not realize who I was, he has also developed a lower lip quiver that has me puzzled. I still wonder how long he had been operating on "autopilot" as far as his daily routines are concerned. I have spoken to him in the morning and at a 10 p.m. (sharp, he was punctional) everyday for many years now, feel quite guilty for not noticing the "symptoms" earlier.

stijntje, you mentioned the legal stuff to come (oh joy!), it will be interesting to see what is going on as far as bills go as they should start rolling in soon. He is cognizant of that point as he had mentioned in a brief moment of clarity that he needs his mail so he can get the bills paid.

I am not aware of any suspicion of a stroke, his doctor didn't say anything. Was not overly impressed with him anyhow, seemed almost casual about the situation. As far as support goes it is just dad and me left now, and I am still struggling to find the caregiving part of me...lol..the constant repetitive questions can really get irritating at times. Given Alberta's latest cut and slash philosophy as far as healthcare goes, this too will be an experience.

[stijntje]

If you don't already have power of attorney, now is the time. You can present it to Dad as the way you can help him be sure his bills get paid, etc. if anything happens that he "temporarily" can get to the bank, or pay bills, etc. Without POA, you won't be able to help.

Also, without POA, the doctors can refuse to talk to you if something happens and Dad can't act for himself, or if Dad doesn't understand what the doctors say but won't let you know that.

It's just me and my Mom, too, so I know about the only child responsibilities. Mom lives with me, and I didn't notice the deterioration along the way, until Mom was well into the confusion. I think it is sometimes easier to notice change when you don't see the person every day, or talk to them every day.

Anyway, look forward, not back. Be quick about the power of attorney - everyone will advise you to do that immediately, if you haven't already taken care of that. And get Dad registered with the "safely home" program, if you haven't done that. If he wanders off, chances are better he will be found quickly if the police know his usual haunts, and have a good description of him.

It's like the Boy Scouts (Girl Scouts?) - be prepared!