See Me as a Person
By Janice MacIntosh
I am a Registered nurse currently working in the world of nursing education
and in a LTC facility on a 62 resident Dementia ward. The sense of loss felt
by family members is deeply palpable as is the sense of guilt and anxiety
they feel at having given over a loved one to the care of strangers. In this
environment we are not strangers long and a caring - therapeutic
relationship evolves with both resident and family members. This allows much
needed trust to develop and as a result I felt compelled to pen this poem
based on my keen observations of resident and family interactions over the
course of the last 7 years.
See me as a person
See me as I am
See me as I used to be
Only if you can
My photographs upon the wall
Show you who I was
I am still that loving person
I am still a heart so dear
But when my family members visit
They often shed a tear
I'm not the person they remember
It is hard for them to see
The person that I am today
Is still just really me
I don't remember like they do
But somewhere
Deep inside
I remember that I held them
Held them when they cried
I remember making birthday cakes
With coins wrapped up inside
I remember little sweaters
With buttons that were ducks
And little jammies made with feet
In case the covers came untucked
And those are just a few of the things
I remember just for now
When
the truth my dears
Is so very
Hard for you to hear
And I know it
makes you sad
I know it makes you blue
But I have to tell you
truthfully
I do not remember
You
See me as a person
See me as I am
See me as I used to be
Only if you can
Now my days and nights are mixed
I don't know who I am
I look in to the mirror and
Wonder who I see
Could this ragged looking creature
Possibly be me?
See me as a person
See me as I am
See me as I used to be
Only if you can
My world is now a mystery
My life here with you
I sit or wander all day long
I don't have much to do
I eat, I sleep, I dream
But
Nothing is familiar
And
Everything is wrong
I don't know who I am
Don't know where I belong
See me as a person
See me as I am
See me as I used to be
Only if you can
A hug from you means so much
That's all I really know
Your touch it comforts
And makes me feel
I belong just where I am
My hand within your hand so warm
Your body walking close
Says you are a kindred spirit
You are a loving soul
Tells me that there is so much you
Really do know
See me as a person
See me as I am
See me as I used to be
Only if you can
Remember this forever
Remember from before
Remember that my sorrow spills
Like blood upon the floor
I don't live in the here and now
I live some time ago
When I was young
My body able
To enjoy the sun and stars
To wish upon a Christmas moon
To pray upon your brow
For nothing ever to go wrong
For your life to joyously flow
See me as a person
See me as I am
See me as I used to be
Only if you can
My family visits when they can
Their hearts are hanging low
They cannot see me sitting here
With no where else to go
Please let them know
They are in my heart
And forever they will be
Their sorrow lifted
Hearts gone light
When they come to visit me
Please
Give them strength to see
That I am still really me
See me as a person
See me as I am
See me as I used to be
Only if you can
The mists are my memories
But misty just to me
I feel their love
It's in their eyes
and that is what I see
big sad eyes wet with tears
Tears they have for me
My memories come
My memories go
That is I really know
See me as a person
See me as I am
See me as I used to be
Only if you can
My days go on
My nights are long
I eat, I sleep, I dream
For now it's mostly you I see
And it's here that I belong
and when I see you coming close
Or walking through my door
I know that you will care for me
I ask for nothing more
© Janice MacIntosh 2008
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