|
[Please
note that the material on this page was current when
it was first posted. For up-to-date information on this
topic, visit the caregiving pages.]
[From
our January 1999 Alzheimer Awareness Campaign]
Adjusting
to Alzheimer Caregiving
The
neatly-glued pieces of wood crashed to the cement floor.
It was just too much for Irma Vance of Oromocto, New
Brunswick. Her painstaking craftwork was ruined because
her husband, Ron, used the wrong kind of saw to carve
out the patterns she had drawn. It's the one time Irma
says she just lost it. One minute she was angry; the
next minute she felt guilty, wondering, "Why did
I have to lose my temper? Why couldn't I have contained
myself better? After all, the poor man can't help it."
Since
Ron, 57, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in 1996,
Irma, 54, has had to take on heavier responsibilities,
such as the house and car maintenance and most of the
driving. Their son and two daughters were living in Ontario,
so they weren't nearby to help.
Ron
is in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease so he can
still do a lot for himself. But Irma likes to keep an
eye on him, especially when she hears the power tools
starting up. Irma says, "I used to do crafts but
I don't have time for it now. I don't have my own time.
I can't plan." Supervising Ron also means less time
for housework, to the point where Irma says, "I
was just getting overwhelmed by it all."
Socializing
has fallen by the wayside. Ron and Irma belonged to a
music club but now that Ron doesn't play his guitar as
often, he doesn't want to go to the club. And friends
don't drop in. "I don't blame them," says Irma, "because
I know what it must be like for them, too." Their
social life now revolves around the Alzheimer Society
Friendship Group where Ron can relax with people who
understand and Irma gets a chance to chat.
Irma
has also joined an Alzheimer Society support group where
caregivers air their frustrations, share thoughts and
feelings and get useful information about Alzheimer's disease
and caregiving. Irma has learned what to expect in the
early stages of Alzheimer's disease by watching The
Alzheimer Journey, a series of three videos the Alzheimer
Society created specifically for caregivers and people
with Alzheimer's disease, taking them from the early stages
right on through. And the caregiving tips in Alzheimer Disease: A Handbook for Care helped her realize
that it's okay to ask for help. She now has a homemaker
come in once a week to dust and vacuum. She says, "It
makes me feel so much better to look at the mantel and
not see a layer of dust."
Irma
wishes more caregivers with spouses in the early stages
of Alzheimer's disease would participate in the support
group so they can benefit from each other's experiences.
Irma
and Ron have planned ahead in the event that neither
of them will be able to make certain legal, financial,
and medical decisions. They did this just as soon as
Ron was diagnosed because Irma believes it is less stressful
to do it while the person with Alzheimer's disease can
still be involved.
Now
that their son has moved back home to New Brunswick,
following his parents' visit to Ontario last summer,
Irma is glad that he will be around to give her a break
now and then and engage his father in some male conversation.
Irma's
greatest caregiving challenge, to date, is to continue
adjusting her expectations of herself and of Ron, and
resisting the urge to do everything herself. It's difficult
sometimes but Irma would rather not trigger a skin condition
she has which is aggravated by stress.
Right
now Ron is making himself a CD holder. Irma watches him
cut the pieces of wood, she lends a hand where necessary,
then watches Ron sand the pieces and glue them together. "If
I started saying why don't you do it this way or that,
he would get frustrated. So I just step aside and say
to myself, if it turns out, that's fine; if it doesn't,
that's fine." For a self-admitted "picky person," that's
quite a change.
|
